NO SPEAKA DA ENGLISH
>
>A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated
>conversation.
>
>The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
>is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
>
>”Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
>once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and
>pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
>
>The lady can’t take this any more,
>
>”You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,” she retorted indignantly. “In this
>country. we don’t speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.
>
>
>
>”Hey, coola down lady,” said the man.
>
>
>”Who talkin’ about a sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell
>Mississippi ‘.”
>
>      $5.00 says you’re gonna read this again!

GOTTA LOVE KIDS (LITTLE BOYS)
 
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
 The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
 
“Eight,” the boy replied.
 
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
 
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him.
 
He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.”

Liberty Mutual Half Acre Commercial

Don’t forget a good deed never goes unnoticed….

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over
>his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour,
>surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial
>sponge bath.
>
>Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”
>
>Embarrassed, the young nurse replies “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to

>wash your upper body and feet.”
>
>He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
>
>Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
>she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She

>raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the
>other, lifting and moving them around.
>
>Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them,
>Sir !!”
>
>The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
>”Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very
>closely….
>
>A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s b a c k ? “