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post Smart Business Signs

August 29th, 2007

Filed under: Miscellaneous — forwards @ 7:20 pm

 

 

 

 

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:

“Time wounds all heels.”

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On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon  

Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

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On another Septic Tank Truck:

“We’re #1 in the #2 business”

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At a Proctologist’s door:

“To expedite your visit please back in.”

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On a Plumber’s truck:

“We repair what your husband fixed.”

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On another Plumber’s truck:

“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..”

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On a Church’s Billboard:

“7 days without God makes one weak.”

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

“Invite us to your next blowout.”

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On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door:

“Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

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At a Towing company:

“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

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On an Electrician’s truck:

“Let us remove your shorts.”

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

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On a Maternity Room door:

“Push. Push. Push.”

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At an Optometrist’s Office :

“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

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On a Taxidermist’s window:

“We really know our stuff.”

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On a Fence:

“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”

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At a Car Dealership:

“The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

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In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:

“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

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At the Electric Company:

“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.  However, if you don’t, you will be.”

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In a Restaurant window:

“Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

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At a Propane Filling Station ,

“Thank heaven for little grills.”

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And don’t forget the sign at a

Chicago Radiator Shop:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

 


post Penny Riddle

August 24th, 2007

Filed under: Tests and Quizes Email Forwards — forwards @ 1:20 pm

 

Penny Riddle

Try to answer each riddle before you look at the answer.

Do you smell anything here? —> 1penny.gif

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It’s a scent

Do you see any fruit here? —> 2penny.gif

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It’s a pear

Do you see any snakes here? 3penny.gif

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It’s three copperheads

Do you see any cars here? 4penny.gif

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It’ s four Lincolns

Do you see any sex here? 5penny.gif

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laughing.gif

 

 

 

Hell no!? What do you expect for five cents?!!!

post Wedding Anniversary - Be Careful What You Ask For!

August 24th, 2007

Filed under: Relationships — forwards @ 1:12 pm

Wedding Anniversary -

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was REALLY angry.

She told him, “Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped
in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him.

post 5 Questions Men Fear!

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Relationships — forwards @ 8:07 pm

The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

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1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed
to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.
tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is
analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of
course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting
on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you
are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which
most likely is one of the following: a. “Football.” b. “Golf.” c. “How
fat you are.” d. “How I would spend the insurance money if you died.”

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
talking to you!”

Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: “Yes!” or, if you
feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include: a. “Oh yeah, sh*tloads.” b. “Would it
make you feel better if I said yes?” c. “That depends on what you mean
by love.” d. “Does it matter?” e. “Who, me?”

Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of
course not!”

Incorrect answers are: a. “Compared to what?” b. “I wouldn’t call you
fat, but you’re not exactly thin.” c. “A little extra weight looks good
on you.” d. “I’ve seen fatter.” e. “Sorry, what did you say? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.”

Question #4: Do you think she’s prettier than me? Once again, the proper
response is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include: a. “Yes, but you have a better
personality.” b. “Not prettier, but definitely thinner.” c. “Not as
pretty as you when you were her age.” d. “Define pretty.” e. “Sorry what
did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance
money if you died.”

Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Ferrari and a boat.”)

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not — don’t you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Man: Okay, I’d get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of
her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can’t use them — she’s left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Sh*t.

post Flirting Garbage Men

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Funny Email Forwards — forwards @ 8:06 pm

Flirting Garbage Men - Watch who you flirt with……..

post Ameriquest Sleep Commercial

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Ameriquest Email Forwards — forwards @ 8:02 pm

Sleep Commercial - Funny

Why we should be nice to our wives!!!!!

post Ameriquest Robbery Commercial

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Ameriquest Email Forwards — forwards @ 8:00 pm

post Ameriquest Airplane - Be Careful

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Ameriquest Email Forwards — forwards @ 7:57 pm

post Ameriquest Brownie - 10 Second Brownie Rule

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Ameriquest Email Forwards — forwards @ 7:55 pm

10 Second Rule - All Occasions

post Can you solve this puzzle?

August 23rd, 2007

Filed under: Tests and Quizes Email Forwards — forwards @ 7:54 pm

Can you solve this puzzle?

You are riding on a beautiful white horse. On your left side is a drop off. On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion. In front of you are four large gazelles which won’t get out of your way and you can’t seem to overtake them. Behind you is a stampede of horses. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star. * Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

ruldrurd
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