We are in trouble…

The population of this country is 300 million.

 

 

 

 

 

160 million are retired.

 

 

 

 

 

That leaves 140 million to do the work.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are 85 million in school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.

 

 

 

 

 

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

 

 

 

 

 

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That leaves just two people to do the work

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You and me.

 

 

 

 

 

And there you are,

 

 

 

 

 

Sitting on your ass,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At your computer, reading jokes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nice. Real nice.

IS HEAVEN IN THE YELLOW PAGES?
by Donna Groleau-Hoover

Mommy went to Heaven, but I need her here today,
My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away.

Operator can you tell me how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part, I don’t know where to look.

I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don’t know why.

Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me.
Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea?

She’s been gone a long, long time she needs to come home now!
I really need to reach her, but I simply don’t know how.

Help me find the number please, is it listed under “Heaven”?
I can’t read these big big words, I am only seven.

I’m sorry operator, I didn’t mean to make you cry,
Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye?

If I call my church maybe they will know.
Mommy said when we need help that’s where we should go.

I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall.
Thank you operator, I’ll give them a call.

'm SO sorry about this, but I had to keep it  going. The last time I sent this exact e-mail out, I got a new job and now I’m superstitious. Start thinking something you really really want, cause this is astounding… the person that sent this to me said their wish came true 10 mins after they read the mail so I thought what the heck.
     ******
     ******
     ******
     ******
   **********
     (,) (,)
        u
     *......*
You have just been visited by

Dr. Suess’s Cat in the Hat.

He will grant you one wish.

Make your wish when the count down is over.
10..
9..
8..
7..
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
MAKE A WISH
Send this to 10 people within the hour you read this.  If you do, your wish will come  true.   If you don’t it will become the opposite.

   ()#              0       0             / /# ()
 ()#-##  #_                 /           _/#  ##-#()
 ()#--==###             !!!/           / ###==-#()
   ()##--=# #           |  |          /#  #=--##()
     ()## -- =####      O|O    /####= --##()
       () # ==#####    / Y    /#####==#()
           ###__ ######|/#/|###### __###
      ()#O#/          ##_#_/##        #O#()
     ()#O#(_ -===###/     _    ###===-__)#O#()
   ()#O#( #  ###/       (_|_)    ###  #    )#O#()
  ()#O(--#__#  /        (_|_)     #__  #--)O#()
 ()#O#( / /   /         (_|_)            )#O#()
   ()##O#_  /         / |            _/#O##()
   ()#O)                (/X)            (()/#O
    ()#O)                               (()/#O

     Sending you wishes of HOPE and LOVE on the wings of butterflies….

A nice Bear HUG For you!  
                                      ,;”:,
                          ,,,,:::::::’ ,~, ::
          ,:”:.    ..:::~            .’ ::
         :: .’, :::~”                    ‘:.
         :: :./        ,’: .o.. ‘:,       ‘:.
          ::,            :’.’ ‘. ‘           ‘::    ,, .::,,
           `::          ‘  /.  : .          .::   : ”  ”::
            ::.              ”:’            ::’  :: ,”’.  :’
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             `::,                .     ..::::,, ::’      .::’
               ‘::::++,….      :..::::~     ‘::,     .::’
               ::   ~””::::::::’~   .         ”::, ::’
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                   .::             ..:,,::            ..:”
                  .::                  ‘:::    …,,::’
                  ::.                    :::::::”
                  `’:::::::::::::::::::”

            The first annual 1997 bear hug Forward…

 Forward this message to someone you really care
 and if that person writes back to you, that means he or
 she cares for you too.
 See how many people write you back.  

Detective Work - Semen

Love Story…

I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
– Ricky, age 10

LOOK UP YOUR BIRTHDAY  AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE..  

Don’t forget to scroll down to see what it says about you.

If you are a  Ass : A very loyal and  sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and  sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple  person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains  the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes.  If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed.  Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of  them being quality-personified.

If you are a Slug: Always up to some  sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute  and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person.  No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all  get-together’s. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to  select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and  play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God  bless the person then!

If you are a Cockroach : Quite contradictory to your name, you  are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are  required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a  long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive  work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of  limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well… Hence some people  could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work  done. So be careful…..

If you are a Parasite : An extremely  lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times,  you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of  each thing. Under normal circumstances you’re cool but when given a reason to,  you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You’re a fashion bird. People look  forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along  freely but don’t like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your  company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a   Skunk : You are near to  perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated  in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn’t like to retaliate even  to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to  talk behind one’s back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give,  give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in  return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what  remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a  Bullfrog   : You symbolize a  very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or  cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You  are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their  times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites.  They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical  and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you.  Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love….  

If you are a  Snake  : You are  mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle  any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to  gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations  and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a  result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help  people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If  you are a Ape : Very impatient and  hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are  quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people  are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your  name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all  panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you  foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in  traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!